I threw away my scale.

Well, it's not in the trash yet. It's on the back porch, waiting for trash day to come around, but it's not in the bathroom, tucked in the corner behind the toilet. It's out of sight, and for the first time in a while, it's not the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. See, I came to the realization yesterday that every day for the past I don't know how many years has started with me dragging my sorry butt out of bed into the bathroom to shower. I strip off my clothes, step on the scale, and decide what kind of day it will be based on that number. Will I have to try to eat a smaller portion at lunch or dinner? Will I feel super guilty when I give in (and I KNOW I'll give in) and have that pumpkin spice latte? Will I be pleasantly surprised and then binge in celebration?

I'm tired of it. It's a number. A freaking number that I've allowed myself to become defined by on a daily, sometimes two or three times daily basis. I'm done. I'm tired of "changing my lifestyle". I'm tired of being part of that group that says we're dieting but when we go home we drink wine and have an extra large helping of mashed potatoes and then giggle the next day and say "Oh well! Today's a new day, right??"

That's no way of living. In fact, it's reckless. I've been casting aside the responsibility of taking care of myself because I make excuses and say I can try again tomorrow. It's not about tomorrow. It's about today, and living and breathing now. I am sick and tired of worrying. I have today's number, and another number from 8 years ago that was my goal. Well, 8 years ago, I didn't have a chest or hips. And I wouldn't trade either of those things today for a lower number.

I will eat what I want, exercise the way I enjoy to, and learn to stop feeling guilty about choices that I make. How are you supposed to enjoy living with the level of guilt that half of us carry around day to day?

So I'm done with numbers. Done with THE number. It feels fantastic!

Come Rain or Come Shine...

As promised, some photography from this past weekend's wedding...

Heralds greeted us at the church and boat...Inside the church...Here comes the bride...Snacking before the reception...Cruising around lower Manhattan...First dance...A surprise for the guests; aerial photos of everyone on the deck at sunset. EPIC...Burlesque garter dance...Mad Men-esque (my new favorite show).

Odds 'n Ends

First of all, no I don't want to discuss the Pats loss to the Jets on Sunday. Both teams played well, and Jets fans can enjoy the glory while it lasts. My only hope is that they lose next week so Sanchez's ego deflates a little. His post-game press conference was a bit too smug for my taste.

We went to a wedding this past weekend for our friends and it was absolutely beautiful. I will post a few pictures here later.

My girlfriend from college is coming to visit this weekend and I am so excited because I have seen her twice since graduating. She has been in Scotland getting her masters degree the past two years, and she is going bak in January after our wedding. I can't wait to see her and catch up with her. She's one of those great friends that you might only see once in a great while but they are still one of your best friends in the world.

My birthday is a week from Saturday! I'll officially be in my late 20s, and frankly, I'm looking forward to it. Maybe I'm the only woman in the world who is ok with getting older, because I don't consider years a factor in age.

I skipped crock pot cooking this past weekend, but I promise I'll figure out something tasty to post this weekend!

Something more substantial to come...All I have for now is HAPPY FALL! And why is it 80 degrees?

4 months till Mrs.!

I am officially in full wedding planning mode, which is funny, because all the big stuff is booked and planned, now it's just details and execution. Sean surprised me yesterday with booking the limo, which was the last big vendor we needed to check off the list, so now it's really on me to get the invitations and paper items done, to confirm details and make any final choices or changes. I'm not feeling stressed or nervous, but every week that goes by I get more an more excited. I can't help but be amazed that it's all really happening. When did I get so lucky?

The little things are starting to occur to me. Everytime someone at works asks me what Sean's last name is and then they say my name with his last name, I realize I will really be entering a new phase of life. When I see people with babies, and realize that sooner rather than later (compared to 7 years ago when we got together) that will be us. And we'll be on the same insurance, bank accounts... It's a lot of change! But definitely good changes. It's all part of progressing as a couple. If we didn't grow and change together, life would be pretty boring.

This weekend we have a wedding to go to for our friends. Sean went to college with the groom, and they are such a fun, awesome couple. They're the first of Sean's college group to get married, so this is going to be quite a party on Saturday. I am so excited to be able to celebrate the day with them and the rest of our friends. And even more excited perhaps to see Sean decked out in his new 3-piece suit...

It is Time

It is ONE of the most wonderful times of the year in approximate 10 minutes.

The wings are in the oven, there's a Sam Adams in my hand, and my jersey is on.

#12 has been such an anticipated comeback from his injury last season, and I know he won't disappoint. And even with my #1 man Bruschi retired, I get to gloriously enjoy him now that he's employed by ESPN.

Life is good.

GO PATRIOTS!

Sucky-inny Underthings

I did it, ladies. I caved. I gave in to the fact that in 26 years, I have developed some curves that need some TLC if I ever want to wear a nice dress and not look like the Michelin Man. I'm through sucking in and adjusting every 2 seconds.

I bought a sucky thingy. That's what I'm calling it, because that's what it is. It starts right under the twins, and goes down to about mid-thigh, shorts style. It claims to control your midsection, butt, and thighs, and you don't even need to wear undies and worry about pantylines. I also bought a pretty dress to wear to a wedding next weekend, and wearing the two pieces together, I feel like a new woman!

I also kind of feel like Bridget Jones, with the completely unsexy underthing that no man should ever see. Luckily, I know who I'm going home with at the end of the night.

Fresh Salad, 95% Homegrown

I feel like a proud mama.

Let me explain...Over the weekend, Sean and I were discussing all the exciting things we could do for Labor Day. Last year, we went to Dick's and got fishing poles, licenses, and chilled out by the local lake, watching the bobbers bounce across the water. The year before that we went to Staten Island for a pool party barbecue. Considering we spent most of our weekend energy partying it up in New Jersey with friends who are getting married next weekend, the best we could come up with this year was to go out and give the yard one final hurrah of trimming, cutting, raking and weed-pulling.

One hour and one bee sting later (poor Sean!), our yard looked astronomically more presentable than it had due to three solid weeks of neglect.

Before: The hedge looked like Edward Scissorhands hair. The garden looked sad and ignored (because it was indeed sad and ignored. And bee infested.).





























After: You can't tell much of a difference from the pictures, but if this cooler weather keeps up, we'll probably only need to mow once more. But I digress...

So in my weeding of the garden which I had all but given up on (I could only weed about half because of all the bees, I think I counted 10), I came to realize that we had a good portion of fat green beans, lettuce, and one juicy red tomato. So I challenged myself when I got home today to make something healthy, no cooking, and only ingredients we already have.

Since it's been a while since we had a good grocery store trip, I decided on salad from the garden. I combined lettuce, green beans, chopped tomato, and chopped fresh basil from my kitchen (which although sad and a little wilty, I have not yet killed). I added a sprinkle of toasted pine nuts, a dash of cracked black pepper and a dabble of dijon mustard and olive oil.

I'll be honest, it's not the most delicious thing I have ever tasted, but knowing that about 95% of it was picked from our backyard and my little basil plant, it makes it that much more satisfying to eat.

But now it's time to stop blogging and settle in for some So You Think You Can Dance and GLEE! Until next time, cheers!

White Wine and Apple Cider Vinegar Porkchops and Potatoes

As requested in a comment on my previous post, here's the recipe for porkchops and potatoes that I made this past Sunday. I didn't follow a recipe, so the measurements are more eyeballed than exact.

Allow 5-6 hours cooktime on low in crock pot, 3-4 hours on high.

4 1" thick porkchops
4-5 russet potatoes, sliced 1/4-1/2" thick
2 small onions, one quartered, 1 cut in 1/4" slices
1/2 cup chardonnay
1/8 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup water
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon garlic, minced or ground (whichever you prefer)
salt and pepper to taste (I use sea salt and cracked black pepper, but ground works too)

Season porkchops with salt, pepper, and a light sprinkle of nutmeg and rosemary, set in bottom of crock pot (I use my small crock pot and do two layers of 2 chops). Wedge onion quartersin betwee and on the sides. Place onion slices on top of porkchops. On a separate plate, season potatoes with salt, pepper, garlic and rosemary. Simmer chardonnay, apple cider, nutmeg and rosemary until it bubbles, approx. 5-7 minutes. Slowly stir in water. Add mixture to crock pot, and place sliced potatoes on top. Cook on low for approx. 5 1/2 hours.

Note: You will be tempted to lift the cover and smell frequently. Keep in mind that this will add to your cooktime if too much heat escapes!

The porkchops are incredibly tender, but I was more surprised by the potatoes, as they retained more of the apple flavor. You can adjust any way you'd like, if you have a different white wine preference (I prefer chardonnay for cooking, it's a bit more bitter).

I am hoping to try this recipe again soon, but instead of white wine and cider vinegar, with cinnamon apple sauce. And maybe another time with an apple reisling, for a much sweeter meal. It's the wonderful thing about fall, there are so many delicious smelling and tasting flavors to use.

Enjoy!

Fall Festivities

This is my favorite time of year for many reasons. Not only is my birthday fast approaching, but it's the time of year Sean and I got together and fell in love, there is delicious pumpkin spiced beer and lattes and candles (oh my!), the air gets cooler and I can break out my sweaters and knee high boots, and most importantly....

Sundays. There is nothing that beats a Sunday in the fall. Starting next week, there will be football, dinner in the crock pot, and lazy afternoon for the next 12 weeks or so. I love throwing food in the crock pot and letting it warm up the house with it's delicious smells. I love having a beer at 2 in the afternoon watching the Pats. I love taking walks around the lake and smelling the leaves starting to decay and crisp.

We have quite a busy fall ahead of us. We're going to the Norwalk Oyster Festival next weekend with our friend for her birthday. I might try my very first oyster! We have a wedding the weekend after that, including a reception cruise around Manhattan (can't wait!), plus many Oktoberfest type activities. It sadly means Sean is back to his crazy work schedule for football season, but it means quiet time for me on the weekends if I need it.

Last week we kicked off the crock pot season with full chickens soaking in beer and spices. This week, I have porkchops and potatoes simmering in a white wine and apple cider vinegar reduction with nutmeg and rosemary. Sound yummy? It smells divine! I love cooking and even more I love eating what I cook, so I am always on the lookout for new recipes. Let me know if you have any you particularly love!

Wedding Tidbits

So as promised, I will attempt to condense all wedding type updates into one. The past two weeks saw a few significant "checks", so here goes...

While I was on vacation I got a lot of little do-it-yourself project done, including our card box, our unity candle, and a little something for our out-of-towner welcome bags. I wasn't feeling as gung ho motivated as I thought I would, so I didn't get to any fabric stores to look for lace. That'll be on the back burner.

Wedding Rings

Last weekend we had 3 somewhat major things. First, we went to look at wedding rings. We both found ones we really like, but don't *love*. I liked this palladium band with simple leaf engraving (palladium wears the same as platinum, but is less expensive). Sean was really drawn to the Celtic knot bands, in particular a two toned band with the knot for "Serenity". I've been thinking more an more though about a plain band in platinum, no decoration. So we'll be making another trip to the jeweler in a couple months.

"Let the eat cake!"

We had our cake tasting on Saturday morning, and I love our cake vendor so much because not only do they have a delicious gluten-free chocolate cake, but they're throwing it into our cake package for free, and it's a cake that will feed 20 people! This is great, because the flavors I picked are not chocolate. The big cake will be four tiers, ivory buttercream frosting with champagne pearls and swag, and a pile of chocolate seashells on top. The bottom tier will be Strawberry Grand Marnier, with white cake, and white chocolate mousse filling with fresh cut strawberries. Yum. I should also add that all their cakes are tortes, so there are three layers of cake and two layers of mousse per tier. The second and third tier is tiramisu, and the top tier which I will eat on our anniversary is carrot cake.

I didn't think I would get so excited about cake, but I would say it was one of the most fun experiences in planning so far, other than trying on dresses. Number one, I got to eat cake, and a lot of it! Because of Sean's allergy, I was the only one who could taste the cakes, and they give you an entire slice of cake! From watching wedding shows, I was prepared for a little bite. Nope, I got 8 whole slices of cake folks. At 10 in the morning. I had a crazy sugar high, but I'm not complaining. It was comical though, because every other couple had brought their parents, or one of two people from the wedding party. But our table was just Sean with his chocolate cake, and me with my 8 pieces of cake piled in front of me.

Bridal Shower

Once we were done with the tasting, I dropped Sean off with my brother so they could have a man-day golfing, and went with my future mother-in-law to my bridal shower in the afternoon. It had not been a surprise, but I was still nervous. I consider myself an incredibly social person, but the idea of many people being gathered who don't necessarily know each other, but all know me, was well, overwhelming. I wanted to be a good hostess and tried to spend time with everyone there. It was absolutely lovely. Although it was hot out, my mom, "FMIL", and my favorite ladies worked very hard on putting together a beautiful shower, with lots of iced tea, finger foods, and a candy bar!

Everyone was incredibly generous with gifts. The day seemed like such a blur, but once we got home and I was writing thank yous this week, it really gave me a chance to reflect on the day and each person's thoughtfulness. I got very emotional! I know the state of the economy is making things hard for a lot of people right now, and I never expected to see such a party with so many wonderful women in attendance. I was humbled and felt so loved.

Here are some pictures of the details that went into the special day...

Cake made by one of the mom's from my brother's baseball team.













The Boston/seaside themed candy bar!
-Saltwater taffy
-Rock candy
-Boston baked beans
-Peppermint swirls
-Chocolate malt balls







Candy bags made by "FMIL" and a friend of the family












4 types of iced tea












Favors - Mugs with tea and honey sticks

Setting Up Shop

In an effort to expand my creative outlet and (hopefully) start making some extra money, I am setting up a shop with Etsy! I am very excited because I think it'll be a great way to put myself out there as an artist. At the same time, it's very scary, because making money is entirely dependent on someone seeing your work, liking it, and liking it enough to buy it. I have seen SO many things on Etsy that I would like to buy, but I have yet to actually take that step.

Anyways, I started this project at the beginning of the spring, including building a website to act as a portfolio/small business. Right now everything is very bare bones. So the next step is the "beefing up" step. I need to produce as many pieces as possibly in the next couple months, and I am marketing myself across a wide variety, from painting to photography prints to ink drawings to assisting with wedding stationary needs. Yeah, you can call me crazy now.

Another step I need to take, which I half-assed back in June, is draw up my goals; personal goals as an artist, and business goals as someone who is looking to run a business. The ultimate goal is to be self-sufficient enough to do this full time. I don't know if that will ever happen. But it's worth a try. And boy, I am ready to try, try again as many times as necessary.

For tonight, I have hit my brick wall. However, I will set a goal right here, and I will start small.

This weekend:

• 3 inked drawings, finished and photographed
  
• Photograph my paintings and add to website portfolio
• Finish 2 graphics I have been putting off
• Make a generic version of our wedding stationary components, in 3 different color schemes and font families

Cheers!

Shazzie

Over-socialized Nation

Disclaimer: I use Facebook as the prime example here because it is so universally used and active. Twitter and other social networking devices are also relevant, but may not be the best example for my thoughts at this time.

This post stems from a conversation I had over the weekend with my future mother-in-law on the drive to my bridal shower. She is a very wise and thoughtful woman and I can always count on her for sound advice and food for thought. The discussion of Facebook came up, and how it has changed the nature of relationships forever. She said it used to be that people would come and go from your life. Like one of those thoughtful coffee mugs, some people are meant to be in your life for a short time, some people forever. When someone leaves your life, for whatever reason be it the move, a breakup or divorce, or just drifting apart, it's necessary to be able to separate yourself from that person in a way that allows you to move on with your life, and them with theirs.

I spent the past hour-commute home from work thinking about this, and I can't help but think she's exactly right. Relationships have changed, and life as we used to know it has changed, for better or for worse. We have adapted to a culture of over-socialization. Everything is instant these days. Since the rise of email and cell phones, it has been expected that you could be in touch with any given person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It has changed the workplace. I have witnessed my boss being called while he's on vacation to answer another coworker's question. I don't know of anyone who can say they have lost productivity for a day because they've been sucked into Facebook or a Youtube video. Or blogging. *smirk*

The Good

Facebook does have it's benefits. In just the past year, nearly my entire immediate and extended family have joined, allowing us to all be connected and keep in touch easier. When you have over 20 first cousins on your dad's side alone, this is important. Another benefit is the ability to quickly share news, raise awareness, and promote small business and personal meaningful projects. For example, while walking my all-night security patrol 2 weekends ago, I checked Facebook on my Blackberry at 2:00 am and saw that one of my close friend's aunt had died in an accident and she was flying to Florida at 6 am that morning. I quickly sent her a text telling her how sorry I was and that she and her family would be in my thoughts and prayers. I have seen many groups pop up that raise awareness or act as fundraisers for important causes, such as Breast Cancer, MS and Lymphoma walks, and a benefit concert for a local boy who died which will raise scholarship money for a graduate of the music program. I have seen numerous friends (and a couple family members) start up their own businesses recently, and Facebook is a great way to let people know you're out there, what you do, and hopefully take off in a very competitive, oversaturated business world.

The Bad

This mostly applies to the conversation mentioned above with "FMIL". While reconnecting with old friends can be fun, there are times when people should be less exposed to each other. People have nasty breakups or divorces, or a falling out occurs and friendships end, yet you can't get away from each other. You still have mutual friends, you see each other in pictures from your friends albums, and it's hard to process the feelings that are necessary to move on with your life. My uncle joked once that his "Friend Suggestion" box kept suggesting he befriend his ex-wife, with whom he had a very tough divorce. It may seem funny on the surface, but it must bring up some very painful feelings any time he sees her name or picture. Also think of the many people who are grown up, married, with families, and all of a sudden an old flame from high school or college re-enters their life. I would like to see a study on how many healthy marriages have strained or ended because these people have quickly and easily come back from the land of lost love. And friendships ended...this one touches my life personally, as I "unfriended" people I have tried to separate myself from, yet with so many mutual friends, I still see them in pictures, wall comments, and events. How are you expected to move on when everyday, reminders of tough times gone by pop up in the seemingly harmless News Feed of infinite updates?

The Ugly

Here's where it gets interesting. I will preface this by saying I am equally guilty of all these things, as a regular Facebook/Twitter user. We have quickly become a culture of oversharing. For whatever reason, we now feel it necessary to share the most minute, insignificant happenings with the world, in a self-centered act to hope that someone out there will care and perhaps even "Like" or comment on what we have to say. I find myself trying to phrase things in a way that is funny, poetic, or interesting in hopes that people will read it and think how clever I am. But there are many, many, MANY updates on Facebook, Twitter and blogs that are pointless and far too much information. Does anyone really care that baby A had explosive diarreah and you only got 2 hours of sleep? Or that your feeling emo? I'll use some of my very own updates as examples of how pointless they can get...

From this morning:

"Shazzie" had her first cup of coffee from the new Keurig this morning and her quality of life instantly improved.

In a nutshell, I had a cup of coffee. So what???

Tuesday at 8:29 am:

"Work work work work work work work...."

Duh. It's Tuesday at 8:30, of course I'm at work, along with millions and millions of other people.

Last Thursday afternoon:

"Shazzie" is chilling on the Post Road. saw a hippie playing the pan flute. sweet.

I couldn't just be content to sit and enjoy the scenery. I thought that someone out in the interwebosphere would think "Oh Shazzie, you're a goof. You always have such interesting, random things happen in your day."

So where do we stand? Are we truly self-centered, clinging to the idea that somewhere out there in the world, we need another person's approval of the ongoings of our own everyday lives to feel important? I will be the first to admit that half the time, I have nothing interesting to say on this blog (and I apologize for wasting your time in those cases). But I have been journaling and blogging since 1998 when I was a freshman in high school, and have documented many events in my life that are interesting and that I enjoy going back to and reading about. And there are times when I wish I could just delete large chunks of time and history from the online world.

Manners and Etiquette and Teh Internets

This all seems so poignant at this time in my life. I have been sitting down each night to write thank you cards for the shower, and feel guilty that I haven't popped on to Facebook to let someone know I received their package in the mail. Yet I have found it to be an enjoyable experience to write each note, think about the person and how much they mean to me, and feel genuinely thankful for their generosity and the time they took to come to the shower. It's taken me nearly all week to work on writing them because I have gotten very emotional at times, and I believe in the power of a thank you note, or even just anything written. This is why I wrote Sean letters in college, even when email and Facebook was at my fingertips. There are some things that should never, ever become outdated. Like invitations.

Facebook has done a number on manners and etiquette. In the past, you could have a quiet dinner party or movie night with a couple friends or family members, and have a wonderful time. Now you have to worry about making an event private or public, if Person A is invited, will Person B get upset (because you no longer really hang out with Person B, but they still see every detail of your life, so doesn't that mean you're still close?)? Sean keeps joking (I think) that we should just send an e-vite instead of formal invitations. I think it's part hilarious, part horrifying, that such a thing would be called into question. Call me old school, but people used to receive an invitation in the mail, call or write back their RSVP, and show up to the event. Now there are planning websites (guilty), websites for guest information (guilty), and more details shared than anyone could ever imagine or care about. I am designing invitations and worrying if anyone out there is offended that they're not invited because they can see my wedding countdown ticker on my profile page and through various status updates and blog posts know exactly when I am getting married, where, the flavors of the cake, and 90% of the guestlist.

Also along the lines of manners and etiquette, I have seen some appalling things posted on the internet in the way of emails, comments and responses. Petty namecalling, inappropriate language, and just plain distasteful oversharing. I fear for kids who are in school these days. You don't have to live a sheltered life, but literally anything can end up on the internet these days, whether you post it of yourself or someone else posts it of you. You don't need permission. You don't need to even know someone to post a picture of them. And once it's out there, it's out there. The damage is done. The concept of discretion was thrown out the window a long time ago, as far as I'm concerned. And this is coming from the girl who has around 30 pictures of her wearing a Boba Fett helmet drinking red wine at our Tacky Christmas Sweater party last year.

Like I said, I am guilty of all things posted above. I don't know many people who wouldn't identify with most of these situations. Are we a happier world because we know (or can know) everything about everyone? I am thinking no. I think it causes unnecessary stress, anxiety, and pain in a lot of cases. Or boredom. There's an old saying that "Knowledge is power." I'm not so sure anymore.

And because I think you'll find it interesting or funny:

Odds 'n Ends

Some quick thoughts...

I saw Sam Adam's Octoberfest on shelves in Trader Joe's yesterday. This made me incredibly happy because I know autumn is right around the corner. This morning's cool air further confirmed this...

There has been much construction going on in our little office building as they're renovating for new tenants upstairs. I'm sure it'll be lovely when they're done, but a lot of the hammering has gone on directly overhead and I'll be happy when it's complete...

I had my yearly performance review. It went well, and I'll be training in the next 6 weeks for some added responsibilities in marketing and sales. This is an interesting new avenue for me, and it will keep me very busy in coming months. Oh, and I get to move my office in October to right across from the kitchen. You know what this means....closer proximity to the coffee maker. Hello, caffeine addiction!

I thoroughly enjoyed watching Big Papi blast a game winning homerun last night against the Chi-town White Sox. Keep it up, Pap. We love you.

I was sad to hear first thing yesterday morning that Ted Kennedy lost his battle to brain cancer. Of 4 brothers, he was the only one to die of natural causes. He was a great senator, an iconic family patriarch of our time, and he will be greatly missed. His funeral will be Saturday and I'm sure it will be an emotional day for many. May he rest in peace, and may his loved ones find comfort in this time of grief.

This is a reminder to myself that I have some blogging to do tonight or tomorrow about the remainder of my vacation (where I seemed to drop off the face of the interwebs for 4 days) and my first round of mocking up wedding invitations (disaster!). Also, I am going to try to condense all wedding blogging into one weekly wedding update so those who do not wish to sift through boring details every other day are not forced to do so.

The Importance of Flow Charts

Every now and then I see something pass through the interwebs that does not blow my mind, but just makes me smile. Here, it's as if the universe was reaching out to me. To aid you in understanding the complex song-structure of one of my favorite 80s delights, I present to you, the Total Eclipse of the Heart Flow Chart:

And bonus points for a "literal version" of the music video:

Just for fun!

I promise I won't allow every entry to be wedding related, but here's one that has nothing to do with me, and has everything to do with tacky weddings. In planning, you see some pretty wild stuff, including brides wanting to charge a cover fee for people to come into the reception, frightening cakes, dresses that belong in the 80s on MTV, and "you may kiss the bride" kisses that might make Ron Jeremy blush. Here are some of my favorites.

If any of these pictures happen to be yours, please don't hurt me. I just found them on Google under "tacky weddings"...Blame Google!

Let's kick it off with bridal party. You pick your very best friends and/or relatives to stand up with you on the biggest day of your life. Sure, every bride has her moments when she thinks "Gosh, I hope none of the girls look prettier or sexier than me on my big day!" But most brides are still nice enough to pick a dress that will look nice on her favorite ladies. Surely, this bride was not that nice.

Just look at that little girl, posing like she's a hot mama. Dear, dear...

Next...No wedding day would be complete without The Dress. Every girl grows up dreaming of the day, the groom, and sometimes above all things, the dress. Many brides say that "the one" they end up with is not nearly what they pictured themselves in. So I have to ask...what did this bride picture herself in at age 9?

I am certain that when whatever bridal salon told her "If you've got it, flaunt it!" that this was not what they meant.

And just as a bonus, because it made me laugh out loud...note the bridesmaid grabbing the bride's bewbie. Wicked classy.

One of the things I am most looking forward to is the wedding cake tasting, which happens to be this coming weekend. I have hemmed and hawed...butter-cream roses? Ribbon around the base of each layer? What style piping and do I want something more classic or more daring and modern?

I have heard of brides having the cake decorator use details of her dress, such as lace or distinct beading detail, to mimic on the cake. Never in my days did I think a bride would say "You know, I want a cake that's really me. No, literally, I want the cake to be me. In my dress. Kthxbye."

The funniest part about this is if you Google it, there's a picture of the groom cutting into the cake. He looks terrified.

Look for another installment of "Tacky Weddings" soon!