This post stems from a conversation I had over the weekend with my future mother-in-law on the drive to my bridal shower. She is a very wise and thoughtful woman and I can always count on her for sound advice and food for thought. The discussion of Facebook came up, and how it has changed the nature of relationships forever. She said it used to be that people would come and go from your life. Like one of those thoughtful coffee mugs, some people are meant to be in your life for a short time, some people forever. When someone leaves your life, for whatever reason be it the move, a breakup or divorce, or just drifting apart, it's necessary to be able to separate yourself from that person in a way that allows you to move on with your life, and them with theirs.
I spent the past hour-commute home from work thinking about this, and I can't help but think she's exactly right. Relationships have changed, and life as we used to know it has changed, for better or for worse. We have adapted to a culture of over-socialization. Everything is instant these days. Since the rise of email and cell phones, it has been expected that you could be in touch with any given person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It has changed the workplace. I have witnessed my boss being called while he's on vacation to answer another coworker's question. I don't know of anyone who can say they have lost productivity for a day because they've been sucked into Facebook or a Youtube video. Or blogging. *smirk*
The Good
Facebook does have it's benefits. In just the past year, nearly my entire immediate and extended family have joined, allowing us to all be connected and keep in touch easier. When you have over 20 first cousins on your dad's side alone, this is important. Another benefit is the ability to quickly share news, raise awareness, and promote small business and personal meaningful projects. For example, while walking my all-night security patrol 2 weekends ago, I checked Facebook on my Blackberry at 2:00 am and saw that one of my close friend's aunt had died in an accident and she was flying to Florida at 6 am that morning. I quickly sent her a text telling her how sorry I was and that she and her family would be in my thoughts and prayers. I have seen many groups pop up that raise awareness or act as fundraisers for important causes, such as Breast Cancer, MS and Lymphoma walks, and a benefit concert for a local boy who died which will raise scholarship money for a graduate of the music program. I have seen numerous friends (and a couple family members) start up their own businesses recently, and Facebook is a great way to let people know you're out there, what you do, and hopefully take off in a very competitive, oversaturated business world.
The Bad
This mostly applies to the conversation mentioned above with "FMIL". While reconnecting with old friends can be fun, there are times when people should be less exposed to each other. People have nasty breakups or divorces, or a falling out occurs and friendships end, yet you can't get away from each other. You still have mutual friends, you see each other in pictures from your friends albums, and it's hard to process the feelings that are necessary to move on with your life. My uncle joked once that his "Friend Suggestion" box kept suggesting he befriend his ex-wife, with whom he had a very tough divorce. It may seem funny on the surface, but it must bring up some very painful feelings any time he sees her name or picture. Also think of the many people who are grown up, married, with families, and all of a sudden an old flame from high school or college re-enters their life. I would like to see a study on how many healthy marriages have strained or ended because these people have quickly and easily come back from the land of lost love. And friendships ended...this one touches my life personally, as I "unfriended" people I have tried to separate myself from, yet with so many mutual friends, I still see them in pictures, wall comments, and events. How are you expected to move on when everyday, reminders of tough times gone by pop up in the seemingly harmless News Feed of infinite updates?
The Ugly
Here's where it gets interesting. I will preface this by saying I am equally guilty of all these things, as a regular Facebook/Twitter user. We have quickly become a culture of oversharing. For whatever reason, we now feel it necessary to share the most minute, insignificant happenings with the world, in a self-centered act to hope that someone out there will care and perhaps even "Like" or comment on what we have to say. I find myself trying to phrase things in a way that is funny, poetic, or interesting in hopes that people will read it and think how clever I am. But there are many, many, MANY updates on Facebook, Twitter and blogs that are pointless and far too much information. Does anyone really care that baby A had explosive diarreah and you only got 2 hours of sleep? Or that your feeling emo? I'll use some of my very own updates as examples of how pointless they can get...
From this morning:
"Shazzie" had her first cup of coffee from the new Keurig this morning and her quality of life instantly improved.
In a nutshell, I had a cup of coffee. So what???Tuesday at 8:29 am:
"Work work work work work work work...."
Duh. It's Tuesday at 8:30, of course I'm at work, along with millions and millions of other people.
Last Thursday afternoon:
"Shazzie" is chilling on the Post Road. saw a hippie playing the pan flute. sweet.
I couldn't just be content to sit and enjoy the scenery. I thought that someone out in the interwebosphere would think "Oh Shazzie, you're a goof. You always have such interesting, random things happen in your day."So where do we stand? Are we truly self-centered, clinging to the idea that somewhere out there in the world, we need another person's approval of the ongoings of our own everyday lives to feel important? I will be the first to admit that half the time, I have nothing interesting to say on this blog (and I apologize for wasting your time in those cases). But I have been journaling and blogging since 1998 when I was a freshman in high school, and have documented many events in my life that are interesting and that I enjoy going back to and reading about. And there are times when I wish I could just delete large chunks of time and history from the online world.
Manners and Etiquette and Teh Internets
This all seems so poignant at this time in my life. I have been sitting down each night to write thank you cards for the shower, and feel guilty that I haven't popped on to Facebook to let someone know I received their package in the mail. Yet I have found it to be an enjoyable experience to write each note, think about the person and how much they mean to me, and feel genuinely thankful for their generosity and the time they took to come to the shower. It's taken me nearly all week to work on writing them because I have gotten very emotional at times, and I believe in the power of a thank you note, or even just anything written. This is why I wrote Sean letters in college, even when email and Facebook was at my fingertips. There are some things that should never, ever become outdated. Like invitations.
Facebook has done a number on manners and etiquette. In the past, you could have a quiet dinner party or movie night with a couple friends or family members, and have a wonderful time. Now you have to worry about making an event private or public, if Person A is invited, will Person B get upset (because you no longer really hang out with Person B, but they still see every detail of your life, so doesn't that mean you're still close?)? Sean keeps joking (I think) that we should just send an e-vite instead of formal invitations. I think it's part hilarious, part horrifying, that such a thing would be called into question. Call me old school, but people used to receive an invitation in the mail, call or write back their RSVP, and show up to the event. Now there are planning websites (guilty), websites for guest information (guilty), and more details shared than anyone could ever imagine or care about. I am designing invitations and worrying if anyone out there is offended that they're not invited because they can see my wedding countdown ticker on my profile page and through various status updates and blog posts know exactly when I am getting married, where, the flavors of the cake, and 90% of the guestlist.
Also along the lines of manners and etiquette, I have seen some appalling things posted on the internet in the way of emails, comments and responses. Petty namecalling, inappropriate language, and just plain distasteful oversharing. I fear for kids who are in school these days. You don't have to live a sheltered life, but literally anything can end up on the internet these days, whether you post it of yourself or someone else posts it of you. You don't need permission. You don't need to even know someone to post a picture of them. And once it's out there, it's out there. The damage is done. The concept of discretion was thrown out the window a long time ago, as far as I'm concerned. And this is coming from the girl who has around 30 pictures of her wearing a Boba Fett helmet drinking red wine at our Tacky Christmas Sweater party last year.
Like I said, I am guilty of all things posted above. I don't know many people who wouldn't identify with most of these situations. Are we a happier world because we know (or can know) everything about everyone? I am thinking no. I think it causes unnecessary stress, anxiety, and pain in a lot of cases. Or boredom. There's an old saying that "Knowledge is power." I'm not so sure anymore.
And because I think you'll find it interesting or funny:
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